Astrology

I’m not an astrologer, I just play one on the internet.

But if you want to know what a real human thinks about your chart, I’ve got your back, with fundamental birth chart analysis done with humor and heart. Never AI.

Offerings

Foundational Natal Chart - $30

I offer astrological birth charts perfect for a beginner to astrology, or anyone who’s a fan of irreverent humor. Please note, these charts explain planetary placements only; I don’t go into houses or aspects.

Bundle: Natal Chart and Tarot Session - $90

My most in-depth offering, this bundle includes:

— A PDF of your natal chart

— A private, ~40ish minute tarot reading

— A walk-through of your chart and its connections with your tarot session

Custom Big Three Meme - $10

A perfect silly little gift or pick-me-up, I’ll make a custom meme from a big three! You can give me an aesthetic direction or theme, and I’ll whip one up for ya.

It’s Written in the Stars. . .

Fill out the form and I’ll be in touch via email soon.

Fine Print:

  • Turnaround time for natal charts and memes is typically 1 week.

  • I accept Venmo, or cash if we’re meeting in person for an astro + tarot bundle.

  • If you need a chart or meme in a hurry, let me know and I’ll see what I can do!